Finance Whizzes

Satiricus is a complete dunce when it comes to finance and economics. Thank god for men like Greenbridge from APANU and Suspenders from TRYING-A-TING. These men could count up all those numbers in the budget right in their heads. Just thinking about it made Satiricus dizzy. Their talk in the Muckraker about how the NIS was going down the drain made him even dizzier. Now Satiricus wasn’t ready to hang up his pen, but hey! He had to worry what was down the road, right?

“Who talking about NIS?!!” Suresh bellowed indignantly. “Greenbridge from APANU?”

“Well he said that NIS running out of money, and the government might have to bail it out,” Satiricus pointed out anxiously to the fellas. “What will happen when we turn old men?”

“Bai leh me tell you something ‘bout Greenbridge,” Cappo muscled his way into the conversation. “Yuh know when NIS start?”

“No,” confessed Satiricus. “But it’s been a while, right?”

“1969 Budday! 1969! And you know how lang a man gat fo wuk fo qualify fo wan pension?” Cappo cocked his eyebrows, insisting that Satiricus answer.

“That I know. At least 15 years to make 750 contributions,” said Satiricus proudly. He’d been discussing pensions with his wife.

“So my friend,” Suresh jumped back into the conversation. “It means that NIS didn’t have to pay out any pensions till 1985 – when Greenbridge was Finance Minister.”

“Well dem had to pay medical and suh,” chipped in Cappo. He chuckled.

“Me remember abee neighba cut de back a he leg in he garden and he try fuh get ‘compey’”

“You mean compensation?” Satiricus asked, “What happened?”

“De NIS dacta mek he show how a canecutta can cut de back a he leg when he a cut cane in de field!” Cappo guffawed and the table joined in.

They all remembered the old days when some ‘smart men’ tried to get something from the NIS.

“Well dem had to try something. Which canecutter live past 60 fo collect pension?” asked Bungi in justification.

“Well back to smart man Greenbridge,” continued Suresh determinedly. “He didn’t have to pay out anything from NIS but rather than invest the money so that the scheme would be solid when people start to get pensions, guess what he did?”

Everyone excepting Cappo looked at him blankly.

Cappy blurted out to Satiricus, “Yuh genius Greenbridge put all de money fo guvment bonds!”

“They paid almost no interest and the government could spend the money to do whatever they want.” Suresh picked up the explanation. “Private plane for Burnham to travel!” “And, me friend, dat is why de NIS in trouble today.” Cappo slammed the table. “Greenbridge!!”

“So what is Suspenders saying PPPEE did to NIS to make it bankrupt?” Suresh asked Satiricus.

“Well they made NIS pay Gy$ 600 million for the CLICO headquarters,” replied Satiricus.

“An how much dem bin a sell de building fah?” Cappo enquired with a smile.

“Over $1 billion,” said Satiricus.

“Suh PPPEE do wan bad thing fuh get de building fuh Gy$400 million less dan ‘e bin a sell fah?” Cappo asked with raised eyebrows.

“I’m just so bad with maths and economics!” confessed Satiricus.

“Suspenders is obviously worse than you,” Suresh comforted him. “No wonder he had to leave bookkeeping and go to law school while he collecting NIS pension!”